benjamin say fuck off

Now is bloody 5.01am. and i cant bloody sleep. 
this few days has been sleeping around 6 - 7 am. wtf la.
and i just keep thinking. i will just keep thinking of every small things that happen.
AND IT WON'T STOP.!!. every bloody small things i could think like for 2-3 hours.
even now i am keep thinking. WTF!!

should i learn to be open minded ?
or i should just be myself ?

i m speachless, i still like you.
i tried hard to forget you. but it just so difficult.

today is a good, fun and one of the most happy days in my life
hand hold hand :)
SXSXSXSXSXSXSXSXSXSXSXSX

after that went to clara place and have bbq :)
today is GREAT!!!!! :)


iloveyouyoumeanalottome

i got to say that last week is really a terrible week for me. did not sleep at home over a week already.
guess that is really the end of us, in the past no matter what i do, u will just forgive me. but now is over.
ya, my friends keep telling me to move on.

EXAMPLE 1 : BEN, FORGET IT AND MOVE ON,
EXAMPLE 2 : BEN, SINCE SHE DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP, WHY ARE U STILL HANGING ON.
EXAMPLE 3 : BEN, FOR THE FIRST FEW DAYS/WEEKS IS SOMEHOW TOUGH TO FACE IT. BUT U STILL GOT TO 
                        BE STRONG AND FACE IT. 

thanks for all those who have try to cheer me up, like alot of people.
but no matter what is still me..
but none of the example seems to get into my mind.
even it is. i wont be able to do it.

i got to be FUCKING strong to move it on right.
or m i just going to lay here and die

i guess this is the lowest point of my life.i have never overcome this things before.
both side come crashing me. :(

i really realise that you are super duper important to me.
i really need you in my life.
but who knows wheather u need me?
or maybe i m thinking to much?
whatever it is i need you in my life badly.
can we be like last time when we call each other baby or say many lovely words.
i love you.


We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

hey. did not blog for a long long long time. lol. got to blog more often. :)

is 2.44am. and i m going to genting tomorrow. quite tired. :(

i m sorry that i always spend time with my friends and not with you.
never answer your call, never sms you, always o2jam,
always neglect you. i dont know what to say. i guess sorry is the only word i can say and i have in my mind.
i said i love you, yet did not spent time with you.
is very contradicting as you say, and i agree with you.
i guess those fun time with you will just be a memories in my mind and my heart always.
once is gone it will nv come back into one piece somehow.
i enjoy my time with you throughout. although we always quarrel and patch back.
but come to think of it. i enjoy it. i know is pointless to say so much. but at this time now i really miss you badly.
and wanna give you a call. and call you baby. life with you is wonderful and lovely, always caring about me 
no matter what you are doing or where you are.. my life is happy to have you before. thanks for everything.

PS* i love you

a little setback and make me fall.
is a dead end right.
RAISE YOUR FINGER FOR THE LAST SALUTE.
i might die or might not
i might get up or might fall

funeral for me
lol

i have got no comment. all i do is shed my tear an d my heart just shattered into piece of glass,
both is equally important to me. u guys are very important to me. and i really care for u guys alot. so much that 
sometime i dun mind sacrificing myself for u guys..
its just pain when i see u guys doing these.
i shed my tears for u . 
and u are the first. =)

thought everything is going to be alright after that. 
but actullay there is more and more.
see the other party like that. it hurt me too.

wad is happening.
when is this gonna stop?
no one knows.
only can hope thing will get better soon.

sorry if i cant help you anymore.
i have done my best
the rest is up to you
take care

no matter what i still love you guys alot.

m i leaving in guilt or m i just
breaking down soon.?

m i the one that cause this to happen?

DOWNFALLS ARE HERE
ODDS ARE AGAINST ME
TROUBLE/PROBLEM ARE TO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE
FRIEND/RELATIONSHIP

yesterday seiously is a very bad day for me.
super super bad.
morning went to see doctor.
but the medicine is help much.i m still suffering.
after that went to doby with solo and cherie.
than have meeting until late. go down to bbq.
but last min don't have. so we go yi cong house and play mahjong.

and NOW.
your father find out also
we are jus facing to many mnay trouble.
too many.you are just very very nice to me.
i m a failure in love
total failure
always fail to understand you
keep shouting and scolding you.
that is all i know.
ben is a failure

holding hands and stuff are all bonus.
loving you is a happiness
although we are not together